Men and women ARE different, and how we interact with the opposite sex is significant, and depicted about how we view our roles in society. I just had an interesting conversation with two 20-something women* about male/female dynamics in budding relationships. Laney’s been married one year, Mona’s been dating a guy for one month, and me, married for 5 years.

Mona is anxious to know if her relationship has reached exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend status, but isn’t sure about how to find out. She’s considering having a friend ask the guy, in a round-a-bout way. Laney advises to ‘hold off’ and let the guy take the initiative in that respect. Laney finds it best to wait for men to say ‘I love you’ first because ‘men like to do things like that’. She believes woman can be assertive without being dominant, and that not letting the man take the initiative is usurping his dominance. She says women can be assertive by ‘getting what they want’ without having to have a discussion. She has a girlfriend who’s been wanting to say she loves her guy since a few months into their relationship, but has been waiting for 3 years for him to say it first, and therefore doesn’t quite know where their relationship stands. I say, if you are in a relationship (where you desire longevity), ask questions flat out, clearly, and as they arise. I don’t see a place for poor communication and inhibition in a healthy adult relationship. I see finding a back-door way of talking about things with your partner so that he feels more like the ‘direction-setter’ as a form of playing games that everyone should avoid. I am a big believer and appreciator of feminine wiles, but I like to ‘get what I want’ by talking it out.

I’m sure part of my POV comes from my distaste for men who shy away from assertive women. Is being ‘too domineering’ a concern that women in fledgling relationships ?All men are different, as are situations and relationships. Most would agree that there are times when the woman should say ‘I love you’ first and such. But the true question is: Is there ANY circumstance where a woman who questions the status of her relationship should wait for the man to establish it before asking questions? Is she gonna ‘run off’ the potential love of her life? Should you ever stay silent from your partner when you have questions? Should you play ‘harmless’ covert games to find out what you need to know?

I feel like NOT asking questions as they arise is putting your life on hold. If he wants to be exclusive and so do you, fine; but if he doesn’t, and you don’t find out, then you are going to turn down other dating opportunities. How’s that fair?

*Names have been changed to protect Mai

ProgressiveU: http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/mai

Gaia: http://markmaiwords.gaia.com/blog

Hood Doctors: http://thehooddoctors.ning.com/profiles/blog/list?user=3ld643w6vk6z9

Blogger: http://mrsmai.blogspot.com/

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Yikes, touchy subject right? This issue is on the minds of millions. But this is essentially the response that Miss America first runner-up California’s Carrie Prejean gave last night on the Miss America Pageant contest. Infamous online celebrity gossiper, and totally gay dude Perez Hilton asked Prejean the tough question. (I felt sorry for the girl when she got it. I mean Miss Arizona had to answer a question about how she got her childhood nickname- lame.) Hilton was obviously not excited by her answer. Though it was neck in neck all night between the top two, Miss North Carolina’s Kristen Dalton (gorgeous blue gown btw) won the title. So did that question cause the title for California? And would that be ‘just’?

Its funny that Prejean is from California because I tend to think of Cali as a liberal, (somewhat hedonistic), live and let live, anything goes sort of atmosphere, though of course you get all types everywhere… (I mean I don’t think fiery Miss Utah was Mormon but I don’t know…)

There is never going to be a time where everyone in the country supports marriage equality. There’s never going to be a time where we all agree on everything. Keeping that in mind, should Perez Hilton ‘hold that against’ Prejean? Can a Miss America who doesn’t support marriage equality accurately represent this increasingly diverse nation?

I too was brought up with a religious background that doesn’t support gay lifestyle. That shouldn’t be a big surprise, I dont think most people are. However, I was also brought up not to pass judgement on people. You can still like people and recognize that people are good people without agreeing with everything they do, basically. I also happen to be pretty liberal. And I think that politics and laws are not currently governed by religious morals (beautiful wicked world)…. so therefore, its not just (by law/politics/etc) to have unequal marriage rights, en mon avis…

I say all that to say, thought I dont agree with Prejean ‘per se’ it had to be pretty difficult for her to answer Hilton as she did. And there’s a lot to be said for standing your ground. I’m proud of that in her, and I’d like to be proud of Miss America.

Spoil Pets, Not People

January 15, 2009

Pet owners are fed up with the unwarranted criticism of pampering their pets. Why do so many individuals want to hate on good, hardworking, and honest pet owners? The answer is simple. They’re suffering from “my pet received more love from my parents” syndrome. Individuals who suffer from this debilitating disease unfairly treat many pets.

This brings me to my argument. Do I, or do I not have a pampered pet? I have the most wonderful pet in the world. Sure, I think he is very intelligent. As a matter of fact, more intelligent than those who hate on him because he may be just a little more intelligent than they are. At least that’s what I think. Heathcliff, that’s the name of my cat, knows he has to earn his privileged status in our household. Did I just say privileged? He must be loyal, frugal (that means not eating all his food at one setting) and last but not least, be a fierce protector of the house. Cats can do that you know.

Heathcliff is rewarded for accomplishing my expectations by getting his favorite prize, a two or three night stay at Pet Suites. This establishment is one of two luxury pet hotels in the United States. I make sure that Heathcliff has the suite next to the fish tank to keep him amused during his stay. Sometimes, he is treated to a ride around the block in the car. Heathcliff gets very excited when I put a few french fries on top of his tuna once a week. I also make sure that he has his gourmet pet food , Science Diet during his stay. I am teaching Heathcliff to be a “green” conscious feline. I do this by giving him bottled water from environmental friendly plastic bottles. How does a cat know this? It’s the only water he will drink! Sometimes, I dress him in his finest hand made clothes or scarves and let him wear his fancy collar studded with rhinestone bling on special occasions. The best reward that Heathcliff has shown partiality to is his rabbit fur lined bed. The last thing that I do for Heathcliff is to arrange play dates with some of my friends who have cats so he can stay cultured. For a long time, Heathcliff had his own MySpace web page, but he decided to give that up. He just did not want to be that accessible! He’s so posh that he needs his space.

This brings me back to that infamous question at the beginning of this essay. Do I have a pampered pet? Why do so many individuals want to hate on good, hardworking, and honest pet owners? Sure he eats special food and drinks special water and goes to a prestigious pet hotel, sleeps on a rabbit fur lined bed, and eats french fries. Let me know, and you be the judge.